Let me start off by saying that Eli has spent the entire day today requesting more fireworks. Last night was his first fireworks show and overall, he was quite impressed. My responses of "later" and "some other time" have done little to deter his enthusiastic plans to watch more of the big colorful flowers in the sky tonight. I'm sure he's got it all planned out in his head: at dusk he'll hop in the wagon with Luke, Dad will pull him the 1/4 mile down the road to the golf course where he'll get another glowstick from our friendly neighbor. Then, we'll all snuggle together on the blanket and watch the colors fill the sky. Everything the same as yesterday--except, of course, the part where he completely freaked out.
You know that "test firework" they always send up 2 minutes before the rest of the show starts? The one to make sure the sky is dark enough or that you'd better make sure you've got your seat because the show's about to start? Well, it caught Eli off guard. And he was totally terrified. There was tears, wails, and shaking as he huddled in Dave's, then transferred to my lap. "Eli scared!" he wailed to everyone sitting around hole 9.
I held him and talked to him and rocked him. I knew he would enjoy the show. I kept telling him over and over that Mom and Dad were right there. We wouldn't let anything bad happen to him. We were still in control and he would be okay. And after the show did start and he realized what a strange, incredible display of light and sound fireworks are, he was okay and he did enjoy it.
So, all day long, he's been talking about fireworks. And, all day long, my momma-heart has been thinking about those few terror-filled moments for my little boy. Last night I was able to completely reassure him that everything would be alright. Even though there were loud booms making the ground shake, I was still in charge and he could trust that. But now my mind has spent the day skipping to other situations--awful ones--that could so terrify my son. Times when I might not be there, or even be able to be completely in control. Times when things might not turn out okay. This is life, after all, and there are some really big, bad, and scary things out there. Just watch the news. And all those thoughts now have me being the one who's freaking out. I mean, what parent isn't somewhere down deep totally terrified that something out of our control will sweep in and harm our children?
Yet.
Yet, I'm not the one who's ever really in control. And, it turns out, I am so okay with that.
Our Bible story this afternoon from The BIBLE in Pictures for Little Eyes was titled "The Bad Brothers Sell Joseph." Talk about some totally terrifying stuff: your brothers sell you off into slavery in some foreign land. Your poor dad, Jacob, is told his beloved son is dead. Bad, scary stuff. Yet the whole time, God is in control and is weaving a beautiful story of salvation for Joseph's entire family. I'm excited to continue this story with the boys over the next few days as it reveals how God was in control the whole time. And how capable He is of that.
There may be times in Eli's life that are totally terrifying. And I might not be there to reassure him. Yet, that's okay. There is Someone much bigger, much better, and totally capable who can gather Eli into His lap through the tears, and wails, and shaking. I can turn my fears of the unknown to prayers that my Eli will choose to trust the One who is totally trustworthy. The One who is still in control even when bad things happen.
As some late-pregnancy insomnia hit this morning/night, I came across the following psalm. How good God is to provide such words of reassurance!
Psalm 91
He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High
will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
I will say of the LORD, "He is my refuge and my fortress,
my God in whom I trust."
Surely he will save you from the fowler's snare
and from the deadly pestilence.
He will cover you with his feathers,
and under his wings you will find refuge;
his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.
You will not fear the terror of night,
nor the arrow that flies by day,
nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness,
nor the plague that destroys at midday.
A thousand may fall at your side,
ten thousand at your right hand,
but it will not come near you.
You will only observe with your eyes
and see the punishment of the wicked.
If you make the Most High your dwelling--
even the LORD, who is my refuge--
then no harm will befall you,
no disaster will come near your tent.
For he will command his angels concerning you
to guard you in all your ways;
they will lift you up in their hands,
so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.
You will tread upon the lion and the cobra;
you will trample the great lion and the serpent.
"Because he loves me," says the LORD,
"I will rescue him;
I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.
He will call upon me,
and I will answer him;
I will be with him in trouble,
I will deliver him and honor him.
With long life will I satisfy him
and show him my salvation."
2 comments:
Where is the "like " button on a blog?
Christel, you should write... I sit here with tears because you have so vividly and accurately portrayed my "momma heart" too!
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